Dear Mugging Victim
Sorry you were mugged. That’s truly awful. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t reallybelieve you were mugged, but I know that accusing you of lying is an asshole move, so I need to do a little impression management. So I’m sorry about what happened to you, truly.
Did I mention that I find your reference of the gender of your attacker insulting? Not all women steal. In fact, if you look at most mugging victims <linky to irrelevant study I didn’t read and that I hope you won’t check> you’ll find that carrying a wallet in public directly contributes to muggings because criminals know most men never take their cash from under their mattresses. If you are going to make the idiotic mistake of carrying a wallet, you shouldn’t go out between the hours of 17:00 and 7 am. That’s when theft usually happens, so if you go to a party at night, you can’t expect to come home with your credit cards, can you? Womankind requires you to adopt a mugging schedule and only leave home during work hours.
I wish men would stop telling people they were mugged because it’s misogynistic and pointless. Think, instead, of how you can contribute to lowering our country’s theft rates. Spread love, not hate. That’s what I always say (My hate for you notwithstanding, obviously).
In any case, I’ve never seen a person get mugged and it’s never happened to my friends. I totally believe you, but I also think you’re lying. If you insist on speaking about it, at least tell us that theft hardly ever happens. <’nother linky to irrelevant study I didn’t read>. If you want me to believe you were mugged, a study of 3876 victims isn’t sufficient to convince me.
Since you are clearly the only man in the world who’s ever been mugged, I can only suggest you start educating strangers who are prone to stealing so that they end their criminal careers. Spread love, not hate. That’s what I always say. It’s up to you (not me, obviously) to educate our local criminals and maybe give them a portion of your savings so they have don’t need to steal.
Did you go to the police, by the way? If you didn’t, you’re part of the problem. No, I don’t give a fuck that the police are too corrupt to bother with muggings. Lay a charge or it didn’t happen. Also show me the charge sheet.
Again, I’m sorry for what happened, but only about one in a thousand people are ever mugged, and all of them are lying and exaggerating.
What’s that you say? You disagree with my opinion on your mugging? Well, then fuck you for silencing me.
A response to RaindeGray’s comment section about rape culture.