Cooking the Spanish Red Way

Fuck fuck shit. Take eyeliner off before chopping the onions.

Okay, take eyeliner off with real makeup remover, not oweeeeee! Ordinary soap.

Don’t dance to Lauryn Hill while chopping the garlic.

Maybe a blunter knife.

Take bits of chopped celery out of sweater pockets.

Take cream sweater from Paris off before frying the onions.

Spend less on ingredients so you can replace oil-spattered cream sweater.


Don’t eat all the carrots you need for the stock.

Aww noooo. Turn the stove off before going to buy more carrots.

If you stand in the middle of the kitchen and call the grater like a dog, you won’t find it any faster.

Wash the grated carrots off your hands before writing a Fetlife message.

Don’t wear the Guess sweater while frying either.

Close the curtains before you strip down to your bra.

If not, at least close them before you use the spoon as a fake microphone.

Don’t mop the floor while wearing your vintage Jeans.

Don’t check Fetlife while burning the mince.

Eat wine gums for dinner.


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