How to Get Over a Breakup

There are two ways to get over a break up:

-1) Get sexy
-2) Work for 30 hours a day

Two is not an option for three obvious reasons:

-1) It leaves no time behind for getting sexy.
-2) There are only 60 hours in the average post-breakup day, and who wants to spend half their lives kissing clients’ asses?
-3) Kissing ass is not sexy. Not usually, anyway.

Getting Sexy

I’ve been using this technique for three days, and I’m happy to report that it works. I’ve been getting sexy in two ways:

-1) Working out.
-2) Growing my hair.

In only three days, I’ve developed the kind of six pack Arnold Schwarzenegger can only dream of. I can now also lift a litre of milk without breaking a sweat. I know it sounds impossible, but anyone who’s ever started a personally-designed workout routine and then looked at themselves in the mirror after three days can attest to how quickly flab and stretchmarks turn into washboard abs and biceps.


I can’t be 100% sure, but I believe my hair has grown five inches since three days ago, too. Basically, I used to look like SpanishRed and now I look like Mila Kunis. Someone will ask me out on a date any minute now.


<more crickets>

<even more crickets>

Okay, so I was wrong. Shoot me. But someone will ask me out any day now. Until then, I’ll just keep living in reality and being honest with myself.

Love and kisses
Mila Kunis


4 thoughts on “How to Get Over a Breakup

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