D/s is a potent force–the steaming hot core of human nature. That means that the connection between dominant and sub is that much more profound.

I’ve never entirely separated from any of my past doms. I’ve managed to cut the bonds with literally every vanilla partner, but those I’ve kinked with? I carry tiny bits of their soul with me everywhere I go.

I’ve never been able to withdraw those parts of me that have been owned. I still equate walks and windows with Dominant Number Two, even though 18 months have passed since I spoke to him. His tasks were attached to those two things most powerfully for me, and I’ve never been able to take them back. The grief is gone, but his stamp on me remains. I have a very special place in my memory for my first dom, too. Enough years have passed for me to know I will always feel linked to him in a small way.


That connection is one of the reasons lack of ethics in a dominant can be so destructive. As a sub, you’re entrusting so much of yourself to your partner, and you can’t always get it all back after they’ve left. The faith involved in power exchange is like falling backward off a cliff. It shouldn’t be done without scoping out the terrain at the bottom to make sure someone is waiting there with a net.

in the early days of a relationship ending, you feel as though you’ve been impaled on a rock and left for dead after the partner in question has disappeared. That’s how my world feels these days, and sometimes I dearly wish I could turn back the clock and undo my last relationship.

But then I remember my first dom. His imprint on me makes my life today more magical. He exists in the way I write and think. He set me free in many ways, and I will always have the liberty he gave me. It’s different when there’s no net at the bottom to catch you, but sometimes you must carry lessons as imprints instead. Energy is never lost. When something dies, it nurtures the soil, and after some time, a new piece of life starts to grow from it.


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