How to Go to Your First Munch Without Dying of Terror

-1) Kick the wall. Hard. Was that as bad as you thought? Well, going to a munch is less painful than that.

-2) Go outside. See that woman who just walked down the road? Yes, that one in the yellow dress. She looks exactly like the kind of person you’d meet at a munch. We BDSM community types are the same as everyone else, and most of us are in it to learn, not pick up sex partners, so you’re as likely to be hit on at a munch as you are at a bar.

-3) Now go to a coffee shop. It’s fine. I’ll wait.

-4) Settle in. Tell me which table the retail manager is sitting at? Which one just got engaged? Which one got laid last night? You can’t tell, can you? That’s how easy it is to recognise people who are attending a munch. Nobody is going to point at you and say, “Ermaghard! That’s Samantha from down the road! At a BDSM event! Fuck me! Ima gonna tell everyone on Facebook that she’s kinky!”

-5) Unless they’re at the munch! Shiiyit!

-6) But wait a second. That means they’re kinky, too, so they’ll be delighted to find out you have a new thing in common. Hey! Instant friend at a munch! Bonus.

-7) Now RSVP that you’re going to the next munch. Remember that being calm is not a prerequisite for clicking the “I’m going” tab. You can RSVP and be terrified at the same time. It’s called ‘faking it till you make it.’

-8) Was that so hard?

-9) Okay, so it was that hard, but you did it! Order a red velvet cupcake. You’ve earned it.

-10) You may now stew in your own terror for the two weeks it takes for the date of the munch to arrive. Instead of thinking about the boss you think will show up there, realise that you might meet your next best friend, because that’s way more likely to happen. Most of us show up in the kink community for the education and stay for the love we find there.

-11) Phone a community leader who you’ve reference checked and ask them to meet you for coffee before the munch. It’s way easier to meet one person than 20, and it’s way easier to meet 20 people when you know one of them.

-12) Now go meet them.

-13) See, I told you we were a bunch of awesome people.


-14) Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

-15) Now actually go to the munch, because the last thing you need is to stew in your own terror for the extra three weeks it’ll take to wait for the next munch. Pull the band-aid off in one swipe.

-16) No excuses. Fucking go.

-17) Okay, maybe a shot of tequila first?

-18) Realise that you’re far safer doing this kink thing in the BDSM community than alone. Now go! Tell the first person you see that you’re terrified. It’ll make you feel 100 times less scared than you do already and give you something to talk about.

-19) Was the munch boring? Then you’ve lost one whole hour of your life. How will you ever reclaim it? </sarcasm>

-20) Gimme a hug. Now go to your first play party.


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