Is There a Chill in the Air or is it Just You?

There’s a man in my kink community who gives out hugs that last as long as you want them to. If you spot him, odds are he’ll be busy handing out hugs to what I imagine to be a queue of people on a numbered waiting list. I’ve earmarked him as a Very Important Person for obvious reasons.

They are obvious, right? I’m not the only one who’s hooked on affection, am I?

There are huggers and then there are A Grade Huggers. I’ve known two of the latter; men whose hugs feel like paradise, and fortunately, one of them lives in my city. Every week I look forward to my Eddie Hug. I make a beeline for him as soon as I walk in the room.

I’ve rarely had to do without affection. I have only been with one man who was none too keen on touch outside of sex, and that was when I realised how much of a deal breaker it is for me. I’m a cuddle monster. I don’t want affection. I needit. Life just isn’t magical enough without it.

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I’d even go so far as to say hugs are more important to me than sex. <snicker> I’m kidding. Nothing is more important than sex, but that doesn’t mean I’d hold onto a dominant who was stingy with his affection. Not a damn chance.

Affection lowers blood pressure, releases oxytocin, and decreases cortisol levels, but you prolly know that already. I’ll take a guess that you don’t know that studies have shown that unaffectionate people in relationships love and trusttheir partners less than those who are affectionate.

Love is a distinctly human need for 90% of us. We can live without sex, but we cannot thrive without love. It’s more important than self-actualisation on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs for a reason.

When I found myself connected to a partner who was stiff as a board, I figured his lack of affection was something I should make room for. We’re all individuals, after all, and maybe it was just one of those things I needed to accept. I could not have been more wrong. I just cannot be happy with a man unless he’s affectionate. I spent 18 years of my life growing up without touch, and I’m not about to make my adulthood that cold as well. I’m learning to respect my needs.

And if you’re not into affection, you’re on my deal breaker list next to men in active addiction and narcissists. That’s how strongly I feel about it.

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5 thoughts on “Is There a Chill in the Air or is it Just You?

  1. She stopped by after work on Friday to have a drink with my wife. I was collapsed on the La-Z-Boy with my feet up. She came into the room and looked disappointed. “Aw”, she said. “I was hoping for a hug.” Never able to resist those eyes I got up and enveloped her. “Just go easy on this side”. We held on-dancing without moving, not talking, just breathing-until the drinks arrived.

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