We’re all lucky enough to be part of a sex-positive community, which means we get to participate in enough shades of fucking to create our own kinky rainbow. Want to be poly? Excellent. Want casual hook ups? Awesomesauce. Want a serious, monogamous relationship? Fan-freaking-tastic. Some people will criticise us regardless of how we manage our sex lives, but by and large, there’s not enough judgement around to get in the way of us living out our fantasies in our own damn way.
Shit. I forgot about that consent deal. What a pain in the ass that is. Let me try those lines again. Want casual sex with a consenting partner? Fine. Want to be poly with a bunch of people who know about one another? Fucking A.
Want to orchestrate a casual hook-up by lying to your partner about the kind of relationship you’re after? Then you’re an asshole. There are seventy twelve people in the kink community who are into one night stands, so there’s no excuse for manipulating someone into having sex with you by claiming you want a relationship.
We’ve all had sex with a new partner only to find that sparks didn’t fly. This special bit of bitterness isn’t reserved for that kind of behaviour. It goes out to those who think informed consent is a TV series directed by David Cronenberg.
In order to give our partners the power to consent to something, we have to tellthem what they’re consenting to. Since some people can rationalise themselves out of a straightjacket, I’ll spell it out. If you’re fucking her and have no intention of talking to her again afterwards, you’re supposed to tell her that before you have sex. It’s not rocket science.
The world won’t turn into a dystopian apocalypse if you tell the guy with the sexy eyes that you have no intention of seeing him after you’ve gone all kinky on his ass. Ghosting her after you’ve had your way with her is torturous. It also exhibits the maturity of a 12-year-old Neanderthal.
Having casual sex with someone who thinks you’re shooting for love devalues them. It makes them feel worthless. Why? Because you fucking treated them as though they’re worthless. Humans have evolved past hominid status. Please feel free to join us in the 21st century at any stage.