Dear Twue Masters of Fetlife

Dear Twue Masters et cetera

I humbly apologise on behalf of the rest of Fetlife for having relationships and sex our own damn way. BDSM is not meant to be fun. It’s supposed to be about doing shit the way you do it because you’ve done the Twue Dom Pilgrimage in Spain with five tons of rope in your backpack. You alone have bowed to the statue of the Marquis de Sade while wearing 20 cock rings. You alone have suspended 50 subs from a cloud using spider webs as shibari rope.

I, for one, feel deeply ashamed because I always knew you wouldn’t approve of the fact that I have a bratty face that instantly tells a dom that shit’s about to get interesting. I also have it on good authority that I’m not the only disobedient sub on Fetlife, so we would all like to request your forgiveness.

(Continued below)


We’re fully aware that J3wel’s secret brat code isn’t up to your standards of Twue Subbiehood. We also know that the fact that Solo8 gets a kick out of having The Worst Sub Ever undermines your relationship with your Poly House of Twue Slavery. In fact, last week when we all had a cupcake party, none of us had any doubt that it would force your slaves to waste their time disguising your car as a sticky note instead of practicing their deep throating skills.

Every dom (We know all doms are men now. Thanks for correcting us) who has ever laughed at a brat will wear sackcloth for a week if that will help you to recover the Twue Domly Powers their bratting stole from you. Fetlife understands that your manly and masterful talents are fragile enough to be eradicated by the sense of humour of some guy with a big dick.

BDSM is serious as cancer. We get that now, and frankly, none of us can understand how we missed it for as long as we did. We’re sorry for treating our relationships as though they’re not your relationships. By way of making amends, we’ve written to John Baku to request the titles ‘brat’, ‘princess’, and ‘slut’ be removed from the drop-down menu immediately. We’re quite sure he’ll see the light. How could he not acknowledge that Fetlife belongs to you alone and that you’re the only one who understands what our identities should be?

We’ll also be ridding the world of its glitter stocks so that your scenes can continue undisturbed by what people you’ll never meet in a country you’ll never visit are doing to have fun.

In lieu of further mistakes, please supply us with the BDSM textbook you wrote back in 1865 so that we all stay on the same page in future.

Kind regards


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