The Alpha Myth

Show me a self-titled alpha dom and I’ll show you a person without a clue where submission comes from. They couldn’t draw it out of Cinderella, let alone a confident sub. The “alpha doms” I’ve come across (why are they always male?) are dictatorial, and not dominant at all.

Show me a submissive who feels compelled to serve from the core of her being and I’ll show you a dominant who’s never required a damn thing from her because he expects to earn it. Submission doesn’t grow from a dominant’s hardness. It doesn’t necessarily even grow from strength. It comes from a sub’s respect, and I’ve never met a dom who calls himself an alpha who’s capable of getting that from me, even on a platonic level.

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The dominants who’ve drawn submission from me were not autocrats, and self-titled alphas are precisely that. Submission is won from a quiet place. It’s won from vulnerability, honesty, and humility. Self-titled alphas usually demand trust and obedience, which creates a problem because one who believes he deserves trust is very often not able to earn it. One who demands obedience is not able to be vulnerable enough to earn submission.

Dominance is built, brick by brick, from a submissive’s honesty. How else is a D-type going to get me, an alpha sub <snerk> to do what he wants me to do?

And while we’re on that topic, let’s get into that term ‘alpha sub’… If you claim to be one, you usually say that you submit only to those who earn it. The rest of us hand out our service to everyone with “dominant” on her profile, regardless of whether she’s an asshole or not. You’re different. You’re not submissive to everyone, unlike the rest of us, who hand out sexual favours to anyone who catcalls us on the streets. </sarcasm>

What you really mean is you’re a sub with a dominant personality, which doesn’t necessarily make you an alpha at all. Alpha status has very little to do with dominance.

An alpha leads, he doesn’t demand. I know a few subs who I’d give the alpha label to because they’re the still points around which my community spins. They don’t all have dominant personalities. They’re natural leaders, and that comes from compassion and a powerful set of principles. They’re humble, authentic, and admirable. I know a few dominants who I’d title as such, too, but again, they’re leaders because they set an example through the way they live, which is generally not like a hulking mass of masculinity.

There’s only one reason I’d like to keep the word ‘alpha’ around: it tells me who is not an alpha, and that’s information I prefer to have.

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