The Terrible Irony of the Friend Zone

(I’ve never cut a man off for the despicable sin of friend-zoning me. I’ve had enough friend-crushes to start a cult, but I don’t see “The Friend Zone” as a prison. People’s sexualities are not possessions I’m owed.

My friendship doesn’t entitle me to free access to your cock. What I get in exchange for the friend zone is your friendship, and that’s enough for me because I’m not buying you for sex using the currency of entitlement. I’ll take the platonic dinners and poker evenings happily because my friends have real value. I cherish them even if they won’t have sex with me. I don’t roll around on the floor wailing if I don’t get to fuck who I want at the end of the night.

(Continued below)


This works both ways. I automatically friend zone men who see the friend zone as a legitimate and intolerable entity. I understand a no contact rule after a romantic relationship has ended, but before? Just no.

God help the man who doesn’t get to fuck me after he’s been kind enough to have a conversation with me. How ungenerous of me to keep my underwear on after he’s been that charitable. God help the man who gets my friendship without pussy rights.

I’m not for sale–not in exchange for dinners or discussions, smiles, and drinks. If I’m not valuable to you on a platonic level, then you’re not valuable to me as a partner. I deal only with people who want to know me on my own merit for no reason other than that they like me.

I don’t lose the ability to relate to someone on a sexual level merely because we’ve been friends for years, either. There is no invisible line on my calendar that says we’ve known one another for too long to ever have sex. I do lose the ability to interact on a sexual level with men who tell me they’re not the type to accept being friend-zoned, though. It’s a nasty irony, you have to admit.

The friend zone is just an excuse some men give themselves for why they didn’t get the girl. The trouble is they don’t get the girl because of their attitude about the friend zone and all the messed up ideas that come with it. I can guarantee you the next man I fuck will not use those words on me.


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