Making K&P is the most important part of being kinky. It’s a myth that BDSM is about bondage, discipline, yadayadawhogivesafuck. The highest echelons of kink are found next to a picture of Depraved Eros throttling yet another sub while gazing broodingly into the distance. How is anyone supposed to take you seriously as a dom if you’ve never been in the top 10?
How to Make K&P
Write About K&P
The best way to make K&P is to write a post about how to make K&P. This might seem to create a circular problem in that if you don’t know how to make K&P, you can’t write about it, but behold my most excellent example: Here I am writing about how to make K&P even though I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. You can, too!
Rants about how men need to stop sending sexually charged messages to women and using cock shot avatars make K&P approximately 5.95 times a day. You might feel tempted to be original with this one, but resist the urge. How are you supposed to find enough hours in the day to write stuff nobody’s read beforeand update your posts 50 times a day? Exactly, but now I’m getting ahead of myself.
Forcing Fetlife to Love your Crap
Fetlife knows that being on K&P is more important than life itself so its members can be stingy with their loves. If they’re not clicking on that button, you need to teach them a lesson. That lesson is called “update, update, update.” Don’t feel embarrassed that people will see right through you. They’ll understand because they, too, think that being on K&P is exactly the same as winning a Pulitzer.
Use Your Friends
What are friends for if not to be stepped all over as you climb towards your loftiest ambitions? If you take BDSM seriously, you will already have a list of 20 000 of your closest and most intimate friends. Once you’ve written your post, send them all a link to it because you’re the only person on Fetlife who knows how to read the newsfeed.
Be who you Aspire to Be
You want to be a Fetlebrity, so you should start behaving like one. Remember that Fetlebrities are better, smarter, more beautiful people who give hotter blowjobs and are kinkier than everyone else on the planet. They also do these things, and so should you:
- End all posts with “mic drop”.
- Put the word “fuck” in their titles.
- End posts by sending everyone to their “real blog” and library of writing.
- Link to their self-published book on Amazon.
- Put every sentence on a new line as though they’re writing a poem that’s not really a poem.
- Feeling lazy? I have two words: Response post.
You’re not kinky until you’ve been on Kinky and Popular. How is anyone in the fetish community supposed to take you seriously if you’re not writing crappy posts about vanilla sex? Get to work.