Here’s to the Bisexual Man

Bisexual men are one of my favourite things. I adore them more than I adore blowjobs, and that’s saying something. Men who swing both ways are hot as fuck, and they give some pretty good demonstration-based blowjob lessons, too. As you know, there’s not a lot in this world that’s more important to me than blowjobs, even fixing the stylistic inelegance of repeating the word ‘blowjob’ five times in one paragraph. How important is syntax when blowjobs have anything to do with it? (Hint: not at all.)

Fuck syntax. Blowjobs and bisexual men are the holy grail of sex.

It’s no secret that the humble penis is the most important body part on planet earth, so two can only be better. I’ll even take three. Four would overwhelm me. I’d lose the ability to move with that much delicious in the room.

(Continued below) 

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I’ve heard that bisexual men get a lot of judgment thrown their way, even in our community, so it’s about time womankind acknowledged their superiority out in public. Sexual fluidity is sexy, and yet every bi man I’ve had a relationship with has admitted to his sexuality in fear that I would criticise him. I know few women who wouldn’t feel as though they’ve hit the jackpot on hearing that news, though. Yes, Mr Heteroflexible, we talk about you. A lot.

Bi men treat sex like an all-you-can-eat buffet. They tend to be more open about, and better acquainted with, their sexualities. This is far from a rule—I’ve certainly met straight men who are equally open, but by and large, it’s bisexual men who occupy that particular square on this chessboard called ‘kink’. I can’t say why that is, but it is.

And damned if I don’t get a kick out of seeing two of my favourite gender fucking. I could write a thousand odes about that one, and I don’t even consider myself to be much of a voyeur. There are better benefits, but my slut cred might rise too steeply if I told you what they were. I’m a monogamous type, doncha know? I’d never do things like that. Not me. Nope.

I gladly put my monogamy status aside for a romp with a couple of heteroflexible guys.

I didn’t type that line. It was Siri. She’s a total slut. Me? I’m as conservative as your aunty Mabel. I’ve never had a threesome. Not me. Nope.

<runs off to fetch Lelo wand>

 

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