Open Letter to a Dating Site Asshole

Dear MasterFrankenCock

Thank you for your message. I’m thrilled you came across my profile because the idea of being stripped and flogged by a 19-year-old master I’ve never met who lives on the opposite side of the world has left me believing, yet again, in the magic and wonder of this world. Obviously, I have sex with all the strangers who write to me here on Fetlife, so I will make myself available for aforementioned flogging immediately.

Before you sent that PM about my “hawt syde bewb” I got one from another stranger who said he wanted to fuck me in my new librarian glasses. I’m sure you can imagine how excited I was about that one. Sure, he had a question mark avatar and no profile description, but if you’re not willing to have anonymous encounters with anyone and everyone who writes you a one-line email, what are you doing on a sex site? That’s what I always say. Anyway, before that, I also got this message from someone who lives in the UK:

Hiiiiiiiii!!! Wanna fuck?

(Don’t you just love that creative spelling, by the way? I knew you of all people would appreciate it) To cut a long story short, I have 137 messages from cock shots and question marks who want to have kinky sex with me this month but don’t live on my continent.

(Continued below)


It’s hard work being a female sub on Fetlife, even when you’re my age because where is a woman supposed to find the time to fuck so many strangers a day? Frankly, I’m exhausted, but I wouldn’t dream of taking a break because I know how pissed off you all get when you hear “no”.

Which is why I never say “no” anymore—it’s clearly upsetting to you and womenkind owes you better. It takes so much time to send copy paste messages to 30-50 women, so who are we to reject you?

Please find my banking details below for your deposit for my plane ticket to the U.S. I have to say, it’s mighty generous of you to think me worthy of such an expensive sexcapade, but  with so many of you waiting to fuck me, maybe you can split the travel costs between you. I believe my savvy budget plan should be as attractive as the idea of being the 137th man to fuck me next month.

Incidentally, I had to quit my job because it takes me quite a lot of time to reply to all the sexy messages I get from you kinky teens. I’ve thus created a separate payment plan for you all to replace my income, equally shared out between you, of course.



P.S. What’s an “STI screen”?


5 thoughts on “Open Letter to a Dating Site Asshole

  1. Great one 🙂 After reading this I’m getting a little worried. I’m on fetlife too and I never ever got any pussyshots let alone an open invitation to hop on a boat/train/plane to fuck some gorgeous sub. I feel like bein discriminated 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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