If BDSM were only the letters in its acronym, I wouldn’t bother. Discipline, bondage, sadism… none of that can move me on its own. My favourite part of D/s happens where nobody can see—somewhere in the air between you and I.
How do you define the invisible?
Some years back, I flew a fish eagle. I’ll never forget feeling the full force of the wind under its wings. I felt so much power there that I thought it might carry me all the way into the clouds. In those moments before take-off, before it let go of my arm, it was as though the laws of physics were going to undo themselves. Just for a second, I almost knew what it was like to fly.
That still point where there is only silence and stasis is D/s for me. If I can’t sense real power in a dominant—the type that makes it seem as though the laws of physics will defy themselves—there can be no submission. Not for me.
Power isn’t what it seems, though. Take that eagle. With feathers that I could snap in half, it seems to unravel gravity. That’s what dominance does when it comes from a place of principle and intellect. Control that pushes rather than compels is too heavy to leverage real power.
There’s a reason domineer and dominate aren’t synonyms. To domineer is to oppress and subjugate—to defeat. If you’re defeating me, you aren’t exchanging power. You’re only taking power, and any asshole can do that. To dominate is to wield real power; to make me feel as though I can fly.
It’s not rocket science. You’re either honest with yourself or fragile, and trying to exert power from a place of weakness doesn’t cut it. If you’re not in possession of your own power, how do you expect to possess mine? You want me to put my body, safety, and even my life into your hands, and you’re too selfish to take care of them? Yeah. No. That’s not conducive to submission.
For something so magical, dominance comes from a quiet place. It takes its power from trustworthiness, respect, and all those other things we’re taught growing up. Such people only need to breathe out to make the world fall off its axis. Domineering D-types wouldn’t need to throw their weight around as noisily as they do if they had any strength.
To dominate is not to take power. It’s to give it. By empowering me, you’re compelling me to give that power back to you, and what you attract is far more potent than anything you might try to steal. Domineering types rarely understand the meaning of strength. In trying to suppress their vulnerability, they subjugate themselves.
I don’t submit to the subjugated.