What I See When I Read Smut

Adjective, adjective, throbbing adjective ‘nother fucking adjective more throbbing adjectives. Why does everything in erotica always have to throb, even the adjectives?

I don’t throb. Am I abnormal?

Let’s just sweep up all these ellipses and put them in one place so that we can get that part over and done with, shall we?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Wow. When you put them all together like that, it really is quite impressive. And also slightly ridiculous.

(Continued below) 

book-1014197_960_720

Oh, look. What a surprise. More adjectives. Why is it always the men who are dying from adjectivitis?

Oh no, he’s not going to put four adjectives in a row. He’s not. Please don’t.

He did. Throbbing hot hard lustful adjectives

Since that ellipses strategy worked so well, let’s put all the nouns in one place, too.

Cock cunt clit fuck hole cock nother cunt pussy lips eyes soul cock kiss tongue lust cock X 1 million.

Well, that was educational. With all those cocks in one place, we could build our own gangbang. Just as well they’re all hard or we’d have to rely on magic wands.

Oh, hey, look! An entirely new set of adjectives. And you thought he’d put the thesaurus away, ye of little faith!

NAW. Don’t put “moist” into porn. Don’t you know it’s the most hated word in the English language? Surely wet would have done equally well?

Yes, we know you’re the master. You already told us three times.

“Mine”, “mine”, more “mine”. You sound like one of those seagulls in Finding Nemo.

You know, if we threw all these words into a hat, shook them up, and tossed them randomly onto a table top, they would still make a perfectly legitimate piece of erotica. And you ask me why I don’t write smut.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “What I See When I Read Smut

  1. Oh the inner critic is a bully. I read this and my first thought was “I just added something to the smut category… I wonder if it sucked. Oh my God should I be embarrassed? Shit I better go read it again…” hehe

    Still, I have to think that someone with your talent could pour out some phenomenal (anything you set your mind to). Even smut. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s