Dominants sit on the evolutionary chain just after Neanderthals and before humans. They’re basically hominids who have developed opposable thumbs but haven’t yet evolved into subs. They live on bacon and bourbon and spend most of their day sitting on wingback chairs wearing black T-shirts or corsets. Occasionally, they get up to poke at the barbecue fire or dust away the glitter their subs have just thrown on them.
Unlike subs, dominants are completely defenseless creatures. They have few talents, but one of them is definitely looking stern and scary. Personally, I think they just do that to prove they can do stuff besides eating bacon.
In contrast, subs are made of flowers, Ferrero Roche, and puppy breath. Their talents are myriad but include making coffee, eating cupcakes, buying underwear, leaning over, preparing sammiches, and making glitter bombs. Now you know why they won the genetic lottery that is natural selection—they can pretty much do anything. Subs are also shit hot, unlike dominants, who mostly just look like bacon.
When dominants aren’t sitting on wingback chairs, you can find them giving their subs back massages while claiming they’re the ones who are in charge. Subs have IQs of 190, which is why they let their dominants believe that. Dominants don’t have IQs, which is why they think we didn’t want that spanking.
Dominants’ sole purpose is accepting blowjobs and taking off their belts really slowly and scarily. Subs have many purposes, obviously, but their main role is to provoke dominants into taking off their belts without letting on that they had a choice in the matter.
Scientists say that dominants without subs can’t even stand upright, much less make their own bacon, so when they’re single they spend days flopping over like migrating bowls of jelly. When they finally get selected by a new sub, they’re so happy they buy them new underwear and everything.
Dominants are required by the king of the world to play with their subs’ hair every single day or else the entire planet’s bacon will magically disappear. I have no idea how it will vanish or where to, though, because I’m not the king of the world. Well, not as far as you know, anyway.