When I found the first man to ignite my submission, kink was formless and terrifying. What would happen if I let him see this alien thing that had taken the place of my sexuality? Would he accept what he saw? He seemed so pure back then.
By some mysterious magic, he met me exactly where I was: prostrated and craving and turned helpless by my own lust. In those days, I couldn’t have told you a single thing about myself. I was a different person than I had been the day before. My life had turned into chaos and so had my home: Clothes were scattered all over the floor, paintings were skew, furniture was pushed out of place. With us, sex had a way of destroying order.
He knew exactly how to use a woman. My god, he knew how to take. It was so intense I lost track of my life. I might as well have been on heroin for all the clarity I had in those days. That’s what a dominant like that does to a sub: he sets her alight. I thought the whole world could see that I was constantly steeped in lust. How could they not?
Submission felt like falling, and he caught me every time.
If a tree develops upward without the roots growing at the same rate to support it, it will fall and die, and D/s is the same. Our roots—our trust—must grow at the same pace as our dynamic or it will destroy us.
A dominant who makes you feel safe knows his own mind, and one who knows his mind also knows his desires. That’s how trust and lust become inextricably linked.
Submission is brightest when it’s inspired by the grittiest underbelly of his fantasies. How could I not honour that level of honesty? How could I ignore that much trust? How could I not be compelled by that much filth? A sub knows if a man is taking exactly what he wants and not a damn enth less. If he holds back, he wears the edges off, and who wants kink without the sharp, the dark, the black and cutting edges?
I’d call shameless self-knowledge the most valuable talent in a dom. There is nothing more compelling to me than a go-to-hell attitude that reveals his darkest desires because he can…
because he knows that even this absurd and insane thing will be given to him…
because it always is.