What Are Subs?

Subs are the only truly shining example of natural selection in the history of the world. They evolved so flawlessly that no other species has ever been able to compete with their awesomeness, not even dinosaurs or Snow White. Subs are wickedly smart, so they spend their days dominating their dominants into giving them chocolate and spankings while pretending to be submissive. This is sometimes known as “bratting”, a word that dominants invented so that they could keep thinking they were the ones deciding which orders to give to whom even when they woke up with “whore” written on their asses and tinsel tied around their cocks.

(Continued below)


Unlike dominants, subs have millions and millions of talents, including, but not limited to:

  • being spectacularly sexy in every possible way, even when wearing flannelettes.
  • Pretending to be obedient.
  • Orgasms.
  • Multiple orgasms.
  • Buzzy toy orgasms.
  • Bribing dominants with bacon.
  • Blowjobs.
  • G spot orgasms.

In contrast, dominants’ talents are limited to:

  • Really seriously believing they’re the ones who are in charge.
  • Demanding their subs wear butt plugs all day as if their asses are made of carbon fucking steel that’s immune to grazing not to mention asses were invented unplugged for excellent fucking reason and by the fucking way have you ever tried to keep one in for longer than 10 minutes while walking? Yeah. Fuck you.

Subs are basically angels who came down to earth to benevolently do what they’re told as long as there’s a blowjob at the end of it. Some subs fizzle away completely and forever, like snails in salt, unless they’re bought a new pair of Gucci boots every month. If you have this kind of S-type, you’ve definitely landed an awesome one and should give thanks by throwing away all your butt plugs, even the silicone ones.

All subs are completely selfless, which is why you’ll never ever catch them writing self-serving Fetlife posts.

Some subs are into pussies, too, but I’m too lazy to include them in this post because I never got a blowjob out of talking about another woman’s vagina.

Subs are never slothful. They earn their stilettos by going commando 24/7, which is excruciatingly hard work. That’s why they deserve what’s coming to them: a properly soft leather belt and a brand new pupper with pupper breath and everything.

(Follow on from “What Are Dominants“)


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