After spending five minutes watching hot gangbang porn this morning, I’ve decided that I’m in need of a dom. It’s time to unleash my glorious sluthood on Fetlife, and since my expectations are seriously low, it won’t take long.
My Expectations of a Dom
-1) He must have a cock.
That’s pretty much it.
Okay, I was kidding. My expectations are a tiny bit higher than that because I’m looking for a dude who’s not a neck beard. Wikihow has helpful instructions on finding a boyfriend, which I believe will get me laid before day end:
”Before you get a boyfriend, you’ll have to meet some guys.”
Thanks, Wikihow. By the way, this is my guide on how to write a Wikihow post:
Maybe type some words.
Wikihow’s Step Two to finding a boyfriend is
“Get to know him a little bit before deciding that he is totally your next boyfriend.”
I didn’t even change the wording for comedic effect. This shit is so very gold I’m going to use it to buy myself some new Gucci boots. I believe they’ve invented a whole new level of overstating the obvious.
I always imagined a dom would have to get to know me a little bit before deciding that he’s totally going to let me terrorise his life with glitter and superglue. That’s obviously where I’ve gone wrong. I live and occasionally learn, which brings me to my Step Two of How to Write a Wikihow Post:
Once you’ve typed some words, read them a little bit before deciding that they are totally words and not just letters.
Wikihow’s next step for Finding a Boyfriend says
If he isn’t into you, “you should find someone else to be your boyfriend.” It goes on to say you should “talk with him when you run into each other.”
My Step Three of How to Write a Wikihow Post goes like this:
If the words you typed aren’t the right words, you should type some other words. Type them when you’re at your keyboard, though, and not while you’re swimming.
Now that I know how to find a boyfriend, I will have one by day end. Now that you know how to write a Wikihow Post, you will win the Pulitzer. Congratulations in advance.