I Know That My (Monogamous) Heart Will Go On

Monogamous men are the blue diamonds of the kink community: it’s virtually impossible to find one, and when you do, it ends up being the one that sank in the movie, Titanic: in other words, just a damned pencil sketch because the real deal got snapped up and taken home by a wrinkly version of Kate Winslet. I guess I can understand why there are so few one-woman-men around: The idea of that level of sexual freedom even compels me.

(Continued below)


I’ve had a couple of open relationships, which I loved. There are definitely cracks in my monogamy, just not enough to motivate me to find out what compersion is and why you’re always talking about it. I’ll throw a threesome or two into a relationship for kicks. I’m definitely not poly, though, because I get… oh… just a tiny bit scared of loss. I was That Kid Whose Mom Always Showed Up Late After School—the one whose dad left at four. I have abandonment issues, and just in case you were wondering, I’m also one of those women who feels inferior if she’s not chosen as a primary partner.

These are not my favourite traits, but they’re not entirely to blame for my monogamous leanings. Those come from my inner Rose: the one who wants to find the kind of love that warrants a Celine Dion ballad. If you tell a soul I said anything positive about Celine Dion ballads, I will cut you, by the way.

Where do you poly people find the time, anyway? A relationship chews up more of my time than I have left at the end of the day. Intimacy takes a lot of emotional energy, too. I would rather spend the time learning how to walk in stilettos. Seriously.

I went through a phase in my twenties when I dated four men at once, and it was exhausting. Add kink to that, and you’re left with a SpanishRed who just can’t even.

The idea of having one special person makes me want to recite odes. I adore stories about the prince who finally finds his One True Love, kisses her awake, and then invites her to fuck him and his friend tomorrow night in the back of their 1912 Coupe de Ville.

Don’t look at me like that. That’s how the story goes.

I have to go, now. Jack is calling me to play aeroplanes at the bough of the ship.


9 thoughts on “I Know That My (Monogamous) Heart Will Go On

  1. I don’t think it’s just the kink community that monogamy is few and far between, I think it’s just how dating is. It’s as if polyamory and casual flings is the new norm and no one wants to commit. Being monogamous is almost as kinky as kink itself based on how abnormal it’s becoming.


  2. I think the openness of the kink community makes monogamy very difficult. I don’t expect someone I am in a serious relationship with to be monogamous. I do expect them to be sensible, put me first and not give their heart to anyone else.
    For me, telling my partner you can only fuck me is like restricting them to a diet of only cereal.


  3. It is in both worlds unfortunately and I think when it comes down to it both sexes hope that their partner will put them first above any others that come into play. I prefer monogamy but have found it to be a very rare trait among the men that I seem to be attracted to. That is why for now I don’t do anything with anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We had an interesting discussion shortly after our first threesome (MMF) about being monogamous. For me nothing has changed. Our relation (still) is monogamous. In her opinion we are not monogamous anymore because she had sex with another man. Even being okay with it, having organised it, and participated, she feels we are not monogamous anymore. Obviously it is about semantics. Anyway this happened a few months ago and now we are wetting our toes in the world of swinging too. Just because we are into BDSM does not mean we cannot savour other dishes. But pushing the buttons of voyeurism, exhibitionism and power play are fun and hot when one includes a human prop.
    I agree with you on Poly. I’ll would need a personal planner. I prefer to commit to one person, suck it all in. Dating more people could be more interesting, other points of view etc… but I would not feel okay with that. After all I am very monogamous. I’ll never forget how it hurts being cheated on. Trust being breached etcetera.


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