I’m not a brave sub. I’m a coward. I’m terrified of:
- too much pain
- new kinds of play
- Losing my shit to sub frenzy being naked in public fire waxwhipsfloggersbloodclamps…
I think I’ll just hide under my desk now.
I’m scared of everything to do with kink. That’s why I prefer doms who have huge, fluffy hearts and wit that can cut me into a million pieces in under a second. I like my sadists to be unscary and funny because that barbwire whip over there is never going to look unscary. My top is the only soft place in the room.
I’ve come across sadists who have flesh eating spiders and poltergeists crawling around in their imaginations. Their idea of a good time is tying you to a chair on top of a termite mound and covering you in syrup. That’s too much darkness for me. I don’t want to go near your murder fetish. Death is not a fun concept for me. I prefer my BDSM wrapped up in a sense of humour and tons of cuddling. I do not care if you think I’m a crap masochist. I don’t even care if you call me vanilla.
If you want to find out which sub can piss the furthest, go ahead. It’s definitely not me. If you’re looking for one of those hawt masochists who takes off her clothes at parties, she’s over there. I’ll be in this corner with my very ticklish cuddle-dom friend.
I only have one kink label: “me”, and part of it entails being a coward.
A proud coward.
My entire kink journey has terrified me. My first meetup with a kinky person was so scary my mouth felt like a desert. My first play party provoked so much anxiety I literally died before I arrived. Okay, not literally, but I was so frightened I might as well have been walking into a hot zone.
Every one of my fears was unfounded. The first kinky person I met ended up being someone I knew in vanilla circles already. My first play party felt like home within 10 minutes. My first munch was just like any old meeting with friends. Somehow, I slotted in.
The venerable Sir Winnie the Pooh said, “Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved.” I treated BDSM like a problem. I discovered it was a journey, not to be taken alone, but with friends who were exactly like me.