Ho Code

Written after The Bro Code

  • Shoes before bros, hos before bros, basically, everything before bros except blowjobs. Blowjobs are before shoes and hos, even though they’re given to bros.
  • A ho is honour-bound to help her hos to find a sexy bro who can spell properly and face fuck enthusiastically.
  • Hos always share cocks because there aren’t enough to go around. Well, all hos except me. I don’t have to share because I wrote the ho code.
  • A ho never ever tells another ho she’s obsessed with blowjobs because she totally isn’t.
  • A ho who brings her dog with her for chick flick night might get a say in which movie to watch, as long as she also brings cupcakes. Not definitely, though. I’ll decide after I eat the cupcakes.
  • A ho shall not iron her clothes because fuck you.
  • If a ho visits another hoe, she should bring popcorn and strawberries and things.
  • A ho doesn’t allow another ho to get married until the bro in question has proved he owns a golden retriever, an old red Jeep, and that he would never kill a spider. Bros can kill flies, though. That’s fine.
  • Even in a fight to the death, a ho never sticks her stiletto through another ho’s eye. A ho never gets brain muck on her stilettos.
  • A ho never dances unless there’s a hawt guy nearby who she wants to shag.
  • If a ho accidentally catches the bouquet at a wedding, her hos are required to violently slap it out of her hands before anyone notices.
  • A ho never lets another ho grow a moustache, even in Movember because hos do not own prostates you asshole.
  • A ho always exaggerates another hoe’s bra size when telling Carl Cox look-alikes about her.

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