Profile of an Online Wank Fodder Hunter

SuckMyWeener


Orientation: Wanker


Looking for: Wank fodder


About me

Hiiiiiiiiiii baby. (I should say at this juncture that if you’re a dude, fuck off, even if you’re gay, although I’d appreciate it if you were gay because hey! More pussy for me!) Now that all the dudes are gone, I can welcome all you exquisite women to my profile. Here, you can be your slutty selves without inhibition because wank master has arrived to listen to your kinky confessions.

Mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm!

If you received one of the 50 friend requests I send out every day, congratulations. You have been assessed, analysed, and found deserving of being at the other end of my Skype camera. Before you eagerly write to me about your fantasies, please take an hour or two to go through my 1708 cock shots, which I’ve conveniently taken alongside a range of household objects as inarguable proof that it’s three millimetres larger than average. I’ve also Photoshopped the ones that have clear backgrounds to prove that my dick is occasionally 10 inches long.

(Continued below)

385H

Before you apply to be my cyber domme, you should masturbate a minimum of five times (pictures or it didn’t happen, haw haw!) This is not because I need wank fodder, but because I have to put some kind of hurdle in place or I land up getting 70 messages a day. Yes, I really am that popular, probably because my life of masturbation is more thrilling than that of any other internet wanker. Not that kind of wanker. The kewl kind—you know, the type who engages in kik sex in between McDonald’s shifts and who eats sophisticated cheesy snacks.

Facebook is a lousy site for picking up internet pussy, so I’ve come to Fetlife to pretend I’m into kink while engaging in lengthy discourse about how much cum I produced in my last session. If this sounds like your kind of thing, (and I’m sure it does) hit me up.

As a service to the site, I offer a used underwear disposal service. If you need this form of recycling, please post your worn knickers to the address down below. I’ve received a number of accusations that I’m merely offering this service so that I can get more wank fodder. I take this to heart because I’ve not done a thing to bring my ethics into question. If you have anything at all to say about my panty-recycling business, say it to my lawyer. Fucking pricks.

Speaking of fucking pricks, I’m looking for women who will engage my fucking prick and who I can send endless sweaty compliments to, but who I will instantly call ugly bitches if they reject me.

As for my hobbies, I dig measuring my cock in very hot weather, eating Cheetos, staring at women’s feet, wwrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiitttting in repeeeeetttted letterrrrs, and sending friend requests to get my cockshot avatar in women’s inboxes.

P.S. I wanna lick your sexxxxxxxxxxxy feeeeetttt.

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