Romance and writing have a few things in common. F’rinstance, if you start on a crap note, you’re almost guaranteed a crap end. I thus have few hopes for this internet post.
Some days, sentences flow like water from a tap. In mere minutes, I have a bunch of words that resonate. On other days, I have to wrestle every word to the ground like a heifer, and you know I struggled with the writing even if you don’t know you know because you don’t respond. I am met with silence and left with a bunch of dead words that touch nobody.
My relationship with Derek flowed like water from a tap. Every hour came easily regardless of how we spent it. We had so much magic and hardly any mayhem. Few endings are without their tears, but Derek and I even managed to break up peacefully.
I spent my entire time with Ty trying to wrestle our relationship to the ground. There was a struggle around every corner. We went together like Oreos and avocado. Our ending was just as messy. I had to replace my door, change my phone number, and get involved in a rebound before my own stupidity sent me back to him for more. All we had was deadness.
When you write, words have to be produced in an aura of magic or they come out useless. Relationships, too. My mother married a man out of convenience, so they spent decades wrestling one another to the ground in an effort to get along. The problem with feeling unfulfilled while single is that you will accept a dead romance because your life lacks magic. Choosing a partner because you have nothing to lose is an excellent way to lose everything.
I’ve been writing poetry for 20 years, and the entire process frustrates me infinitely. I can’t choose to write and hope to produce anything worth reading. I must wait for the words to come to me instead. Sometimes, I’m scared that a poem will never come, but I have to learn to sit easily with that possibility or the anxiety will ensure I never write a poem again. Poems must be held gently, just like sand and love.
Cling, and they will pour through your fingers like water.
Romance and writing have a few things in common. F’rinstance, if you start on a crap note, you’re almost guaranteed a crap end because your need will be too pronounced to hold them gently.